The Rules

There is only one rule: There are no rules. Except one: have fun. And the first rule…the one about there being only one rule, which I guess makes two. So there are two rules: there are no rules and under all circumstances have fun. Also no shoving, but I think that’s implied by the second rule. I feel like I should mention it, though, because to be perfectly honest, we’ve had a real shoving problem around here lately. That’s probably my fault because a lot of people tune out completely after they hear the first rule. And because I do a lot of shoving. So there are three rules, and the third rule is there are no rules.


The first thing I noticed was that my pee smelled like asparagus. The second thing I noticed was that it wasn’t just asparagus: my pee smelled like anything I ate or drank. The third thing I noticed was that I was smelling my pee an awful lot. I asked my neighbor, the former astronaut, what this said about me as a person and (typical) all he said was “How did you get into our house and why have you peed everywhere?!” In retrospect, this is a perfectly valid counter-question, but it’s not really an answer, is it, Tom?